I just caught wind of this "trend" from one of my web design clients...yikes!
These baby planners do all sorts of things for busy moms-to-be...like interview nannies, and can even help with "thinking through how to integrate" new babies into homes with existing children, because, of course, nobody knows how to just be a real person anymore...
I love the fact that I do it all myself...and well! Sure there are some rough, hard times, but that is what makes a real life...not a business plan.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
True luxuries come at a different price
Today in the Post, I read about how "Luxury Services for Pregnant Women are Booming" and became nauseated by more "news" illustrating how Americans think they are due these outrageous luxuries because they are "taking care of themselves" or "taking time for themselves" when they're really just spending loads of money on bullshit.
As the mama of an eleven month old, I still remember pregnancy. Ah, these were glory days. Sure, I wasn't able to run as much or weight train or drink, but boy did my husband treat me well. He brought me my nightly snacks, rubbed my back and feet. He was nice! Plus, I could still go to movies, I could still dine out without wrestling a little one in and out of a high chair. I enjoyed getting special care and attention and I took good care of myself. I even got a few massages down on my lunch breaks (I worked up til the day before I gave birth). But, all this over-the-top spa culture of extreme pampering, at crazy prices, to me seems nutso. The article even cites posh preggos paying $25 to take a nap. Come on!
The article also gives voice to one woman carrying on about how she was obsessing about where to get apple green bedding for her baby's crib, and I had to laugh. I remember I spent a weekend furiously web surfing for special crib bedding, marveling at all the cute designs out there, but stopping short and just getting a cute jungle set from Target once I saw the price tags. Good thing. We don't use the crib for much more than storage, or a cooling off jail cell for the baby when she can't calm down before bed. Instead, we do a sort of transitional co-sleeping dealio on a futon. It's the best.
I believe that the non-marketed, figure-it-out yourself discoveries and other variations on "official" philosophies/practices (attachment parenting, etc.) are what makes my life my own, what keeps it real and authentic. A little pampering is good, of course, but Americans are becoming more and more luxury-driven (when we can afford it less and less) while at the same time becoming dumber about how to do anything for ourselves and think things through practically.
What about women who read articles like this and think, "I deserve to feel good about myself. I need that, too. I am worth it..." and then they go chasing after these pricey extravagances to try and feel something? I ask, what kind of births will these women have? What kind of motherhood will they experience? I wonder, after they get sucked into the accoutrements and trappings of pregnancy and motherhood, how engaged will they be in their babies' births and their babies' lives? How many will be drugged out and turn over the power of their birth experience to more service people (doctors, nurses, etc.)? How many will then turn over the very caring for of their babies to service people (daycare, nannies)?
I know, some people have to have medicated births and some have to send their infants to daycare, but many choose to, and of course, it's their choice. But how many even consider other options? My view is that they are only cheating themselves out of truly priceless experiences when you have other people do so much for you. Are you really living your own life, or are you just in a constant cycle of earning and spending. I think people need to get reacquainted with the simpler pleasures in life—give me a foot massage from my husband and a pint of Häagen-Dazs and I'm good!
Honestly, what provided me with the best luxury of all—taking this special time in my life to relish being mama to a baby by working part time from home, rather than shipping her off to daycare as an infant—was being prudent with savings and working hard before she was born. Not blowing thousands of dollars on pampering.
As the mama of an eleven month old, I still remember pregnancy. Ah, these were glory days. Sure, I wasn't able to run as much or weight train or drink, but boy did my husband treat me well. He brought me my nightly snacks, rubbed my back and feet. He was nice! Plus, I could still go to movies, I could still dine out without wrestling a little one in and out of a high chair. I enjoyed getting special care and attention and I took good care of myself. I even got a few massages down on my lunch breaks (I worked up til the day before I gave birth). But, all this over-the-top spa culture of extreme pampering, at crazy prices, to me seems nutso. The article even cites posh preggos paying $25 to take a nap. Come on!
The article also gives voice to one woman carrying on about how she was obsessing about where to get apple green bedding for her baby's crib, and I had to laugh. I remember I spent a weekend furiously web surfing for special crib bedding, marveling at all the cute designs out there, but stopping short and just getting a cute jungle set from Target once I saw the price tags. Good thing. We don't use the crib for much more than storage, or a cooling off jail cell for the baby when she can't calm down before bed. Instead, we do a sort of transitional co-sleeping dealio on a futon. It's the best.
I believe that the non-marketed, figure-it-out yourself discoveries and other variations on "official" philosophies/practices (attachment parenting, etc.) are what makes my life my own, what keeps it real and authentic. A little pampering is good, of course, but Americans are becoming more and more luxury-driven (when we can afford it less and less) while at the same time becoming dumber about how to do anything for ourselves and think things through practically.
What about women who read articles like this and think, "I deserve to feel good about myself. I need that, too. I am worth it..." and then they go chasing after these pricey extravagances to try and feel something? I ask, what kind of births will these women have? What kind of motherhood will they experience? I wonder, after they get sucked into the accoutrements and trappings of pregnancy and motherhood, how engaged will they be in their babies' births and their babies' lives? How many will be drugged out and turn over the power of their birth experience to more service people (doctors, nurses, etc.)? How many will then turn over the very caring for of their babies to service people (daycare, nannies)?
I know, some people have to have medicated births and some have to send their infants to daycare, but many choose to, and of course, it's their choice. But how many even consider other options? My view is that they are only cheating themselves out of truly priceless experiences when you have other people do so much for you. Are you really living your own life, or are you just in a constant cycle of earning and spending. I think people need to get reacquainted with the simpler pleasures in life—give me a foot massage from my husband and a pint of Häagen-Dazs and I'm good!
Honestly, what provided me with the best luxury of all—taking this special time in my life to relish being mama to a baby by working part time from home, rather than shipping her off to daycare as an infant—was being prudent with savings and working hard before she was born. Not blowing thousands of dollars on pampering.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Am I too attached?
I think that "attachment parenting" may have some downfalls...especially once the child gets a little older. In some cases, parents like me can get too "attached." I've been feeling depressed lately. Depressed and confused. I feel sometimes like I don't really like being a stay-at-home mom...or, to clarify, a work-at-home mom. It's not that I don't like—or love—my baby. It's just that caring for a baby creates so much self doubt in me. I just don't know if I'm doing it right anymore.
It was alot easier when caring for her meant nursing on demand, cuddling her, letting her sleep with me, letting her nap on my lap while I worked. It was much easier to be "attached" with a baby who just wanted closeness and food. Now, it's a whole new ballgame. She wants to explore. She wants to get into things that are dangerous. She doesn't want to nap when she clearly needs a rest. I can't solve everything by holding her close and breastfeeding her anymore. I am supposed to actively play in ways that will teach her things, while at the same time not losing my own mind and being confused about how to engage a baby with such a limited attention span at this age. It is really a challenge.
Today, she didn't want to nap when it was clear it was time. She was fussy and rubbing her eys. She nursed so much while fidgeting and trying to crawl around but wouldn't sleep. She spit up the milk. I kept putting her back on her back, rubbing her tummy and saying, it's time to sleep (all on the futon, not in the crib, of course, so that I could lay with her, and "co-sleep"). I had to give up and see if she'd just play in her playpen for a bit while I at least took a shower and removed myself from the stressful situation.
I wanted to yell. I wanted to hit. But I didn't. Every time I want to do those things, I remember my dad's old approach, am sickened, and think better of it, sucking up the anger and working through it. But in the playpen, she cried and cried. Sad times for all.
It was alot easier when caring for her meant nursing on demand, cuddling her, letting her sleep with me, letting her nap on my lap while I worked. It was much easier to be "attached" with a baby who just wanted closeness and food. Now, it's a whole new ballgame. She wants to explore. She wants to get into things that are dangerous. She doesn't want to nap when she clearly needs a rest. I can't solve everything by holding her close and breastfeeding her anymore. I am supposed to actively play in ways that will teach her things, while at the same time not losing my own mind and being confused about how to engage a baby with such a limited attention span at this age. It is really a challenge.
Today, she didn't want to nap when it was clear it was time. She was fussy and rubbing her eys. She nursed so much while fidgeting and trying to crawl around but wouldn't sleep. She spit up the milk. I kept putting her back on her back, rubbing her tummy and saying, it's time to sleep (all on the futon, not in the crib, of course, so that I could lay with her, and "co-sleep"). I had to give up and see if she'd just play in her playpen for a bit while I at least took a shower and removed myself from the stressful situation.
I wanted to yell. I wanted to hit. But I didn't. Every time I want to do those things, I remember my dad's old approach, am sickened, and think better of it, sucking up the anger and working through it. But in the playpen, she cried and cried. Sad times for all.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Taking care of a baby is hard work!
Let me tell you about my $60 shower. We bought a playpen over the weekend from someone on Craigslist. It cost $60. I can now take a shower while the baby is awake, if I have to, without worrying about her inflicting bodily harm upon herself, since she is now crawling, cruising and all over the place. We don't use the playpen much. She likes to be free. But sometimes, mama needs a shower and she needs it now. So far, I've got one shower in. Hopefully, I get can in more and lower the price per shower!
I am determined to be a free-flowing "attached" parent. Limiting the restrictions I put on my baby as much as possible to keeping her away from those things that will harm her. I try to not enforce strict nap times, instead, I help the baby nap when it seems like she needs one. I try and let her explore and learn and be free. I don't confine her to a crib. Don't do sleep training. All that good stuff. Because of this, I believe, she is a very bright, energetic and happy girl. She is also showing early signs of being very strong willed. I like that, but it's sometimes hard to deal with. That, and her just being a normal baby who wants to do what she wants to do and with whom one can't yet reason. I sometimes get mad. I sometimes yell. I sometimes want to hit. Especially when she inflicts physical pain, pinching, scratching, head butting. She doesn't mean it of course. Luckily, I have the presence of mind to realize this and so I don't strike back. I have been known to curse her out, though.
Sometimes it seems like everything is a struggle...a wrestling match. Changing her diaper becomes "Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling." Lunch becomes a scream fest. So, I was glad to find this post on Babble.com today—Anger Management: Losing your temper can be OK. The writer never exactly explains how it is OK to lose one's temper, but I guess it makes me feel a little better to know that other people do...people other than my mom, who admitted to me she'd yelled at me when I was a baby (this actually made me feel better, and what a tough call for my mom to have to make whether or not to be honest). I still feel guilty, though. Hence the numerous toys purchased recently. And clothes. BabyGap.
I'm actually hoping some of the toys I bought will help keep me interested so I can play with her longer. It's hard to be creative when you get, like, zero time to yourself and your sleep is interrupted by a little crawler practicing her newly acquired skills. Plus, many times when I do try and play, my baby would rather crawl away and eat a CD or get stuck under her high chair, or something. Who can know what the mind of a great explorer such as this can be plotting?
I know it must be something great. This much work can't be for nothing! Whenever my mom and I talk about children and babies, we usually end up exclaiming about the lack of understanding on the part of someone that these little beings are, in fact, people. People with feelings and desires they can't yet control or express with any finesse. I guess I forget this sometimes myself or, things become battles of will between two people. Being an "attached" parent and balancing between wills is definitely a challenge for me. I don't want to squelch her spirit or creativity, but sometimes I do have to impose order on situations. I guess I am still learning and will be for the next...eighteen years or more...
At least she will look cute in her BabyGap while she's driving me happily crazy!
I am determined to be a free-flowing "attached" parent. Limiting the restrictions I put on my baby as much as possible to keeping her away from those things that will harm her. I try to not enforce strict nap times, instead, I help the baby nap when it seems like she needs one. I try and let her explore and learn and be free. I don't confine her to a crib. Don't do sleep training. All that good stuff. Because of this, I believe, she is a very bright, energetic and happy girl. She is also showing early signs of being very strong willed. I like that, but it's sometimes hard to deal with. That, and her just being a normal baby who wants to do what she wants to do and with whom one can't yet reason. I sometimes get mad. I sometimes yell. I sometimes want to hit. Especially when she inflicts physical pain, pinching, scratching, head butting. She doesn't mean it of course. Luckily, I have the presence of mind to realize this and so I don't strike back. I have been known to curse her out, though.
Sometimes it seems like everything is a struggle...a wrestling match. Changing her diaper becomes "Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling." Lunch becomes a scream fest. So, I was glad to find this post on Babble.com today—Anger Management: Losing your temper can be OK. The writer never exactly explains how it is OK to lose one's temper, but I guess it makes me feel a little better to know that other people do...people other than my mom, who admitted to me she'd yelled at me when I was a baby (this actually made me feel better, and what a tough call for my mom to have to make whether or not to be honest). I still feel guilty, though. Hence the numerous toys purchased recently. And clothes. BabyGap.
I'm actually hoping some of the toys I bought will help keep me interested so I can play with her longer. It's hard to be creative when you get, like, zero time to yourself and your sleep is interrupted by a little crawler practicing her newly acquired skills. Plus, many times when I do try and play, my baby would rather crawl away and eat a CD or get stuck under her high chair, or something. Who can know what the mind of a great explorer such as this can be plotting?
I know it must be something great. This much work can't be for nothing! Whenever my mom and I talk about children and babies, we usually end up exclaiming about the lack of understanding on the part of someone that these little beings are, in fact, people. People with feelings and desires they can't yet control or express with any finesse. I guess I forget this sometimes myself or, things become battles of will between two people. Being an "attached" parent and balancing between wills is definitely a challenge for me. I don't want to squelch her spirit or creativity, but sometimes I do have to impose order on situations. I guess I am still learning and will be for the next...eighteen years or more...
At least she will look cute in her BabyGap while she's driving me happily crazy!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
A convergence of coincidences creates meaning
Life has been pretty good. But yesterday I went on a ragging jag on my husband after I found a bigger co-sleeper on Craigslist, which reopened the always dangerous discussion of how long Ava should be sleeping with us. Details of that aside, I said many things that should not have been said and I was left trying to sort out my different feelings of love for my baby versus love for my husband...and anger toward my husband.
Googling brought me to an essay by Ayelet Waldman (I'd never heard of her) who proclaimed that she loved her husband more than her children. Quite different from what I was feeling at the moment. Turns out, her husband is Michael Chabon, who is pretty good-looking, very successful, and, according to Ms. Waldman,shares equally in the household and child-rearing responsibilities . Easy to love, right?
The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that my husband, too, is easy to love. It especially hit me the next morning, as he patiently laid in bed trying to get another half hour of semi-sleep while the baby babbled noisily beside us. Thank goodness she was content to lay there babbling on her own while I caressed him and said sorry. Further thoughts of reconnecting flowed as I did my morning run, seeing a gorgeous full moon setting, thinking back on past romantic times with my husband, grateful he watched the baby each morning when I ran. And while I don't feel the need to compare and say I love my husband more than my daughter, I felt happy to have been prompted by Ms. Waldman's essay to examine my own feelings and try to better understand them.
It's funny that I had multiple "encounters" with the Chabons out of the blue. Just a couple days ago I put several old books up for sale on Amazon and the first one that sold was Chabon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, which I actually never got into. What a coincidence that I would stumble upon his wife's work the next day and that it would relate to my life in a real way.
I am now thinking more about how I need to keep the passion going between me and my husband—and that doesn't mean just sexually. In some ways, sex comes easily. It's the whole deal of being generally excited and happy about someone that is so key, I think. Not wanting to just roll your eyes and be like, "what now?"
I've been pretty passionate about the baby, being a super-duper on-demand breastfeeder, having her sleep with us, staying home with her. (Almost like one of the AP devotees Ms. Waldman describes in another of her essays, but not exactly, because I don't rudely push my beliefs on others.) Sometimes, my uber-passionate feelings have even led me to behave irrationally during tough times with her, because I'd gotten too wrapped up in her. Taking it personally when she was fussy. Thinking she was ungrateful or didn't like me. Things that are not attributable to a baby, of course. (My husband brought me back to reality on those points.) Still, the beauty and cuteness of my baby enhanced by the maternal hormones and the cuddly closeness we share together so many hours each day, all make it easy to be deeply in love with her.
I have to remember, though, not to forget the hardworking, loving and patient man whose hard work and planning allows me to have the luxury of staying home with the baby, and whose very physical contribution has given me the gift of growing this baby—a real-life expression of our love. She is part of him and me—and I am so blessed to have them both.
Googling brought me to an essay by Ayelet Waldman (I'd never heard of her) who proclaimed that she loved her husband more than her children. Quite different from what I was feeling at the moment. Turns out, her husband is Michael Chabon, who is pretty good-looking, very successful, and, according to Ms. Waldman,
The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that my husband, too, is easy to love. It especially hit me the next morning, as he patiently laid in bed trying to get another half hour of semi-sleep while the baby babbled noisily beside us. Thank goodness she was content to lay there babbling on her own while I caressed him and said sorry. Further thoughts of reconnecting flowed as I did my morning run, seeing a gorgeous full moon setting, thinking back on past romantic times with my husband, grateful he watched the baby each morning when I ran. And while I don't feel the need to compare and say I love my husband more than my daughter, I felt happy to have been prompted by Ms. Waldman's essay to examine my own feelings and try to better understand them.
It's funny that I had multiple "encounters" with the Chabons out of the blue. Just a couple days ago I put several old books up for sale on Amazon and the first one that sold was Chabon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, which I actually never got into. What a coincidence that I would stumble upon his wife's work the next day and that it would relate to my life in a real way.
I am now thinking more about how I need to keep the passion going between me and my husband—and that doesn't mean just sexually. In some ways, sex comes easily. It's the whole deal of being generally excited and happy about someone that is so key, I think. Not wanting to just roll your eyes and be like, "what now?"
I've been pretty passionate about the baby, being a super-duper on-demand breastfeeder, having her sleep with us, staying home with her. (Almost like one of the AP devotees Ms. Waldman describes in another of her essays, but not exactly, because I don't rudely push my beliefs on others.) Sometimes, my uber-passionate feelings have even led me to behave irrationally during tough times with her, because I'd gotten too wrapped up in her. Taking it personally when she was fussy. Thinking she was ungrateful or didn't like me. Things that are not attributable to a baby, of course. (My husband brought me back to reality on those points.) Still, the beauty and cuteness of my baby enhanced by the maternal hormones and the cuddly closeness we share together so many hours each day, all make it easy to be deeply in love with her.
I have to remember, though, not to forget the hardworking, loving and patient man whose hard work and planning allows me to have the luxury of staying home with the baby, and whose very physical contribution has given me the gift of growing this baby—a real-life expression of our love. She is part of him and me—and I am so blessed to have them both.
Monday, December 17, 2007
I don't know anything
Lest people think I am seriously out here trying to tell people my way is the way to go, or that other people are wrong or whatever, I have to say, these snippets are just chronicles of my struggles and sometimes mini-victories. As of late, I feel like I have been having far more struggles.
An old taoist saying goes, Those who talk don't know and those who know don't talk, and that is very much the case here because each day, I feel like I know less and less.
Raising a child is more difficult than I thought it would be. Marriage is more difficult than I thought it would be. Both, I know, can be very rewarding. But, boy, are they hard sometimes. And I probably have good people that I'm working with in my husband and baby! Neither are really particularly difficult, I don't think. One just gets used to playing by their rules and having things their way by the time they get to be thirty-something and have basically been doing it their way all their lives. Then, other people enter the picture, and they need to refocus. And so, that's what my life is all about. Refocusing all the time, trying to make peace between my own selfish desires and what the people I love need from me.
Every day I fail. Every day I say I am not going to get mad at people or lose my temper. I fail. I say I am going to be sweet and loving. And I fail. I say I am not going to overeat or eat junk food. I fail.
At least I exercise regularly, so I'm not fat. But, as my husband reminds me often, the both of us need to get into better shape. That really kind of burns me up since I just had a baby six months ago and I have been trying to figure out how to care for her well while working an office job from home about 20 hours a week. Yes, I used to be in excellent shape before I got pregnant. And I do mean excellent. We're talking low-body-fat-percentage (18 -22, depending on the year), marathon-running, 2-hours-of-working-out-a-day kind of in shape. Now, I am just O.K. I know that someday I will get back to where I was, but that level takes more dedication than a new mom who is trying to work from home while taking care of a baby can achieve in just a few short months. It takes time.
Anyway, back to my heart and my failed attempts at being a loving wife and mom. I don't really have any legitimate excuses for my failings there. I could say lack of support and being tired from trying to do it all kind of wear on me and make me pickier about things than I need to be and more likely to snap, but, I don't want to take that cop-out.
I've failed in my earlier stated goal of losing weight by Christmas, but I think I can make up for it and do it in the first half (or maybe even the first quarter) of 08. I'm hoping I can get my heart and head right as easily during the new year and work on spiritual resolutions as well. I know I can't go on in the manner I've been going, so I have no choice. I must change.
I've been trying to sort of change myself unofficially over time, but I think I might need to create more of an action plan to make it happen...some rules to live by, you know? So, I will be thinking of that over the next couple of days (or weeks, depending on how busy I get) and try to map something out for the new year. Stay tuned.
An old taoist saying goes, Those who talk don't know and those who know don't talk, and that is very much the case here because each day, I feel like I know less and less.
Raising a child is more difficult than I thought it would be. Marriage is more difficult than I thought it would be. Both, I know, can be very rewarding. But, boy, are they hard sometimes. And I probably have good people that I'm working with in my husband and baby! Neither are really particularly difficult, I don't think. One just gets used to playing by their rules and having things their way by the time they get to be thirty-something and have basically been doing it their way all their lives. Then, other people enter the picture, and they need to refocus. And so, that's what my life is all about. Refocusing all the time, trying to make peace between my own selfish desires and what the people I love need from me.
Every day I fail. Every day I say I am not going to get mad at people or lose my temper. I fail. I say I am going to be sweet and loving. And I fail. I say I am not going to overeat or eat junk food. I fail.
At least I exercise regularly, so I'm not fat. But, as my husband reminds me often, the both of us need to get into better shape. That really kind of burns me up since I just had a baby six months ago and I have been trying to figure out how to care for her well while working an office job from home about 20 hours a week. Yes, I used to be in excellent shape before I got pregnant. And I do mean excellent. We're talking low-body-fat-percentage (18 -22, depending on the year), marathon-running, 2-hours-of-working-out-a-day kind of in shape. Now, I am just O.K. I know that someday I will get back to where I was, but that level takes more dedication than a new mom who is trying to work from home while taking care of a baby can achieve in just a few short months. It takes time.
Anyway, back to my heart and my failed attempts at being a loving wife and mom. I don't really have any legitimate excuses for my failings there. I could say lack of support and being tired from trying to do it all kind of wear on me and make me pickier about things than I need to be and more likely to snap, but, I don't want to take that cop-out.
I've failed in my earlier stated goal of losing weight by Christmas, but I think I can make up for it and do it in the first half (or maybe even the first quarter) of 08. I'm hoping I can get my heart and head right as easily during the new year and work on spiritual resolutions as well. I know I can't go on in the manner I've been going, so I have no choice. I must change.
I've been trying to sort of change myself unofficially over time, but I think I might need to create more of an action plan to make it happen...some rules to live by, you know? So, I will be thinking of that over the next couple of days (or weeks, depending on how busy I get) and try to map something out for the new year. Stay tuned.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Hip in Our Hearts
Yes. I am back. My hair still is stupid, but it'll grow out. I've given up "controlling" my baby and instead am working with her. And, I recently finished Alternadad, by Neal Pollack, and so maybe I do feel like I can give advice after all.
First off, Pollack's a good writer and his book was pretty entertaining. I didn't know this before I read Alternadad, but he set off a shit storm on Salon.com a couple years ago when his kid got thrown out of daycare for biting and he'd included clues about his & his wife's lame and listless parenting in the article. I'm not here to criticize their parenting, though. I actually felt a little bad for him after reading some of the nasty comments people made to him following his Salon piece. I'm here to criticize his hipster cred.
That's right. How hip is it to smoke weed every day at age 35? I mean, really. Seriously? Is that really necessary? That's so "in your twenties". Also, is Beck (who Pollack idolizes) really that hip? Beck? I guess it's just a matter of opinion. But mine is "no". Watching scads of corporate mainstream TV is not hip. Additionally, blowing money you don't have and being stupid isn't hip either (going to happy hours several times a week, paying for your mother in law to stay at a hotel with you to watch your kid, paying taxes with a credit card). Sending your kid to daycare when you and your wife both "work" from home isn't hip either (daycare costs money!). OK. So now I'm criticizing his parenting. Didn't mean to.
My husband and I are comparatively boring, but we are hip in own hearts. He chooses the life of a civil servant to make a steady living but not distance himself from his family with crazy corporate work hours. I work from home part time so I can earn a little money and nurture our child in the way we think is best at this point. We live in the (gulp!) suburbs. Yes, that's right. And ours is pretty culturally diverse, too. We still see live music, occasionally (my husband more than me, because he like to much more than me), we read, we travel. We have a great life...but we don't piss our money away.
To me, what's hip is not trying so hard to be cool and not feeling you have to partake in all of society's gooniness to make it through. It's about finding your own way in a way that works for you. I don't want to teach my daughter to like punk rock and be an anarchist. That's just silly. If she decides she likes punk rock on her own, then so be it. I want to empower her with the confidence and ease to be a free spirit, but an "anarchist"...no.
Anyway, I always am thinking how I have got to be a kinder and more compassionate person, and I don't think this post really accomplishes anything in that regard, so I'll wrap it here and just say that Neal Pollack is a much better writer than me.
First off, Pollack's a good writer and his book was pretty entertaining. I didn't know this before I read Alternadad, but he set off a shit storm on Salon.com a couple years ago when his kid got thrown out of daycare for biting and he'd included clues about his & his wife's lame and listless parenting in the article. I'm not here to criticize their parenting, though. I actually felt a little bad for him after reading some of the nasty comments people made to him following his Salon piece. I'm here to criticize his hipster cred.
That's right. How hip is it to smoke weed every day at age 35? I mean, really. Seriously? Is that really necessary? That's so "in your twenties". Also, is Beck (who Pollack idolizes) really that hip? Beck? I guess it's just a matter of opinion. But mine is "no". Watching scads of corporate mainstream TV is not hip. Additionally, blowing money you don't have and being stupid isn't hip either (going to happy hours several times a week, paying for your mother in law to stay at a hotel with you to watch your kid, paying taxes with a credit card). Sending your kid to daycare when you and your wife both "work" from home isn't hip either (daycare costs money!). OK. So now I'm criticizing his parenting. Didn't mean to.
My husband and I are comparatively boring, but we are hip in own hearts. He chooses the life of a civil servant to make a steady living but not distance himself from his family with crazy corporate work hours. I work from home part time so I can earn a little money and nurture our child in the way we think is best at this point. We live in the (gulp!) suburbs. Yes, that's right. And ours is pretty culturally diverse, too. We still see live music, occasionally (my husband more than me, because he like to much more than me), we read, we travel. We have a great life...but we don't piss our money away.
To me, what's hip is not trying so hard to be cool and not feeling you have to partake in all of society's gooniness to make it through. It's about finding your own way in a way that works for you. I don't want to teach my daughter to like punk rock and be an anarchist. That's just silly. If she decides she likes punk rock on her own, then so be it. I want to empower her with the confidence and ease to be a free spirit, but an "anarchist"...no.
Anyway, I always am thinking how I have got to be a kinder and more compassionate person, and I don't think this post really accomplishes anything in that regard, so I'll wrap it here and just say that Neal Pollack is a much better writer than me.
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