Am I too attached?

I think that "attachment parenting" may have some downfalls...especially once the child gets a little older. In some cases, parents like me can get too "attached." I've been feeling depressed lately. Depressed and confused. I feel sometimes like I don't really like being a stay-at-home mom...or, to clarify, a work-at-home mom. It's not that I don't like—or love—my baby. It's just that caring for a baby creates so much self doubt in me. I just don't know if I'm doing it right anymore.

It was alot easier when caring for her meant nursing on demand, cuddling her, letting her sleep with me, letting her nap on my lap while I worked. It was much easier to be "attached" with a baby who just wanted closeness and food. Now, it's a whole new ballgame. She wants to explore. She wants to get into things that are dangerous. She doesn't want to nap when she clearly needs a rest. I can't solve everything by holding her close and breastfeeding her anymore. I am supposed to actively play in ways that will teach her things, while at the same time not losing my own mind and being confused about how to engage a baby with such a limited attention span at this age. It is really a challenge.

Today, she didn't want to nap when it was clear it was time. She was fussy and rubbing her eys. She nursed so much while fidgeting and trying to crawl around but wouldn't sleep. She spit up the milk. I kept putting her back on her back, rubbing her tummy and saying, it's time to sleep (all on the futon, not in the crib, of course, so that I could lay with her, and "co-sleep"). I had to give up and see if she'd just play in her playpen for a bit while I at least took a shower and removed myself from the stressful situation.

I wanted to yell. I wanted to hit. But I didn't. Every time I want to do those things, I remember my dad's old approach, am sickened, and think better of it, sucking up the anger and working through it. But in the playpen, she cried and cried. Sad times for all.