My gift

I was supposed to get a massage today and have lunch with my husband in the city. It is his Christmas gift to me. I was so riled up this morning about how I was going to get down there (at least 30 minutes, but up to 45 or more depending on traffic and parking), get the massage, meet him for lunch, have lunch and get back in time for preschool pick up. It was really stressing me out. I rushed my daughter around to be sure we could drop off at school right when they opened. I felt bad about that. Then I knew I had to get gas. I was so nervous, I hit wrong keys on the pump and the thing froze so I had to go to a new pump. I only filled up halfway because I was in a such a hurry. I realized I forgot my gift certificate at home so I rushed back, got it, but left my sunglasses on my desk, and I am totally a sunglasses person! Then I took off—45 in a 25 through my neighborhood. I gunned the gas and passed some old man on the road. I was a little bit of a menace, actually. I was so nervous. So anxious. I knew I shouldn't be dashing around in a car like this. Something was sure to go wrong. I called the massage place and asked if I could cancel. Since it was a gift certificate they really couldn't impose their penalty on me, and I explained to them I just didn't think I could make it in time and I'd reschedule for a Saturday. They seemed cool with it. Then I called my husband and told him we were off for today. He protested mildly, but had no choice but to accept my decision.

I'd told him before thanks for the gift idea but it's really too much to pack in during preschool time with the driving and all. I'd be so freaked out and mortified if I was late for pickup. Plus, an hour massage doesn't just take an hour. You have to get there 10-15 minutes early. You have to ease out of it and not dash right off. And, you're really not supposed to down beer and pizza (as was his plan) right after a massage either. He just didn't get it and kept pushing.

He often pushes me into things that I'm not thrilled about. Too tight schedules. Too many errands. An outing I don't really want to do when I'd rather just spend time at home either relaxing to doing some much needed work that needs to be done (and there is always something.) I'm glad he's there to balance me, so that I do go out and do things and enjoy life, maybe stretch beyond my comfort zone sometimes...but I'm glad I put my foot down and said no this time. This massage, this lunch, these things are supposed to be my gifts. They are things I should be able to have on my terms, not rushed, not adding to my stress level.

So I turned around before I got on the highway and headed home. I got an iced Americano from Starbucks and set about getting my living room back in order after it had been torn apart for the last three days for painting (with items spilling over into our office). Things like this make me nuts, too. The disarray. Like an itch that needs scratching and won't be quelled. I put the furniture back. Hung pictures back up. Much better. Order. I listened to samba, sipped my drink. At times, I just sat on the sofa taking breaks and listening to the music, feeling the cool breezes from outside waft through the house. Now this was actually relaxing.