AWKward!?

It's about an hour before we're due for a swim playdate. I'm not entirely looking forward to it. OK, I wish I didn't have to do it. It's early March and I know it's an indoor, heated pool, but I also know I am probably going to be cold. I like swimming laps, but I don't really like just hanging around in the water, indoors, at the county rec center pool. So, why did I agree to this playdate? I wanted to be a good egg. I wanted to say "yes" to someone. This someone, though, is a dad, so on top of being cold and wet, I am going to be worried about what I look like in a bathing suit.

I'm not fat. I'm training for a marathon. I lift weights regularly. I look fine. Not bikini model material, but a healthy, athletic almost-40-year-old woman. So, why do I feel like this is going to be awkward? Maybe I'd feel less awkward if I was straight-up overweight, with no potential for attraction? Why did I not mention it to my husband? Why do I feel guilty and weird? I am not a prude at all. I am not attracted to this man—at all. And yet, I feel weird. A little. I am guessing my hairy legs and underarms will put him off enough to not see me that way.

I feel like if this were outside at the neighborhood pool it would be less awkward. It would be summer time. There would be other moms, dads and kids around. But, here, still in winter at the rec center, it's likely it might just be me and him and our girls. Maybe not. We'll see. Although he did say when suggesting this playdate that it will be nice for his kid to have someone else to play with since it's usually just her.

So, will we be sitting there having a conversation, in our swimsuits, under the cold, grey lights of this indoor pool while they girls play? (They are too little, at 3, to be in the water themselves, with us on the sidelines, I'd say). Or, will the girls occupy enough of the time and activity that we won't have to interact that much?

I was up late reading last night and sort of couldn't go to bed because I was wondering about all these things. Again, why did I just go along with this playdate idea, even though I thought maybe it was a little odd? I wanted to be easygoing. Go along with it. It would be weird for me to feel funny about being in a bathing suit and having to talk to some man. I shouldn't feel funny, should I? I shouldn't wonder about what he thinks of me in a swimsuit. That is vain and weird, and of course not what what this is all about. Part of me didn't mention it to my husband because I don't know if he would think it is weirder for me to do the playdate or weirder that I would have all this ambivalence about it. I know I can't coach my daughter to not talk about it, or lie, that would be going too far. But still, I hope we do enough other things after that she doesn't mention it. She probably will, though.

I'll report back post-pool playdate and let you know what happens.