Fin.

So, I came really close to buying the $600 personal training study kit and exam ticket from ACE, but I didn't. I'm just not sure. If it was free, sure I'd try. But, what does it say that I can't even commit a mere $600 to a new career?

Anyway, I think I am at some kind of crossroads right now and I don't want to waste $600. I can always do it later. I just have to chill and live and think and let things kind of simmer for a while. Maybe I'll start a dog walking business, maybe a catering business, maybe art, maybe the training, or maybe I'll just go back to an office. Any way you slice it, I'll make it. That's just how I am.

A big reason for wanting to do the personal training study right now was for some kind of forced escape from the world of my bad habit of obsessively reading, thinking and commenting on parenting and feminist issues—including the work-life balance thing. But, bringing this blog to closure is a free way I might be able to settle that down. I've come to realize that, for the relatively short time I've been obsessed, at the points of my most intense obsessions I've been most frustrated. I feel sometimes like a prune face grouch person when I think of my feelings and expressions on parenting or feminist issues, when in reality, I just actually am completely off the grid and below anyone's radar in my little suburban bohemian paradise. I don't want anything to take away from the last year or two of my "sabbatical" in which I know I can be home with my kid and working part time. I don't want to waste my time feeling other people's angst and "catching" the disease, when I, myself am still clean and healthy. So I'm stopping. No more New York Times Motherlode. No more Babble. No more Feminist Breeder. And no more blog for me, here.

I have an idyllic life right now. Yes, it is sometimes wearing on me to hear the chatting and constant questions and demands of a child all day long. But, we have such glorious days together. My child's creativity and brilliance is nothing short of inspiring. I want to soak it all in with no more ridiculous disruptions or imaginary online battles. I want to focus more on her and me and what I can do with my life that's good for us. I've said this before on this blog, but I never knew how I'd find closure to the blog, til today when I noticed a link for Blog 2 Print, and can make this blog into a book and end it. I may create another book or album or something somewhere down the link, but for now, this is it.

As far as my recent foray into rediscovering Buddhism, trying to be more compassionate and such, I will say it's fledgling. I enjoy the denial of the self theories but it's hard for me to have the purity of compassion for others when I feel so distant from them. I think that by removing myself from the parenting/feminist/mommy blog world I might have more of a chance of feeling compassion.