Pampering schmampering—or not

So I'd scheduled a massage for myself today and to make it totally decadent and "me me me" I thought I'd get a mani-pedi, too. I have not done this for probably ten years. Seriously. Ten years! But, I can probably count on one hand the number of mani-pedis I've had in my entire life, so I guess it's not saying much. I am (was) more of a massage girl. I got them regularly for a while after landing a professional, well-paying job. Then faded out after working from home, being a mom, rationalizing to myself that my husband gives great massages, so why pay?

The problem is, he doesn't give them for an hour long, and, well, he's not a professional and usually wants sex (not that there's anything wrong with that.) But, I digress.

I've been turning into a complete and total bitch lately. I will defend myself in saying that it is not altogether unjustified that I should be cranky. I've been doing alot of menial housework lately and that always gets me crabby. My child has been difficult at all the wrong times. Though I must say she has been doing a great job of entertaining herself and playing for hours while I've been doing all the aforementioned cleaning, clearing and organizing. But her independent playing does not come without a price because she makes messes I have to go back and clean up and then she gets needy for my attention later, big time. Honestly, I don't know how mothers of more than one child get along. I know, that makes me sound like a total ass.

Anyway, I have been an awful, mean bitch...to my actual family who I am supposed to love. So, I had to check myself. I want the world to be a better place. I am, I guess, a "peacenik"...let's take care of everybody, share, healthcare for all, paid leave for moms and dads, care for those in need, educate...Kumbaya, my lord! But what kind of hypocrite am I if I am mean to my own family and what kind of hypocrite am I if I criticize others or am uncharitable with my views and opinions expressed online. If I can't even rein in these basic, close to home matters, is there any hope for humanity? Not that I, personally, have that much control over humanity as a whole, but, you know, it starts with one, and if everyone acted like I've been acting, and did so on a world-size scale, it would be, like total armageddon!

So, I decided I need to take care of me. Take a time out so I can feel a little more rested, a little more grateful, and all that. Thing is, the whole mani-pedi thing is a little awkward for me. I don't really know the drill, and the woman doing it was this little old Asian lady who barely spoke English, but she did a valiant job in guiding me through it all. I apologized for my nasty, leathery feet. I did not apologize for my hairy legs. I declined having my cuticles cut. I read from my iPod Touch Kindle while the pedi went down.

I just started reading, last night, Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life, almost in desperation because I have been feeling so terribly mean, ugly and awful, and so here I was reading about Buddha and Confucius, as the author, Karen Armstrong, was laying the groundwork for the steps with some history, while a little old Asian woman (not Chinese, though, probably Vietnamese) does my feet. My instinct is to feel weird. I am the person who says I will never hire a cleaning lady. I am a woman of the people. Working class girl made good. Salt of the Earth. I don't want to be the rich white lady (I'm not rich anyway, by U.S. standards, although probably rich to many of the rest of the word's standards). But, I tried to take the exchange with gratitude instead of shame or awkwardness. She was making an honest living doing a service for me to help me feel good. In the end, I got a cute pedicure and manicure and felt nice—and a neat lesson I will write about in an upcoming post. I probably won't do it again for another 10 years, though.