Transitioning: Erudio Interruptus

A while back I wrote about transitioning to working from home. While I've worked part-time from home ever since my child was born over three years ago, I've always felt like a "stay-at-home-mom" anyway. I know, though, that my days as a SAHM are numbered. It won't end next month or even next year, but in upcoming years—kindergarten, first grade (?) my child is going to be in school several hours a day and it just doesn't make sense for me not to work. Besides, my husband thinks we need the money. He is less of a "living with less" scrabbler than I am, on one hand, even though he is, in reality more frugal than me, I know, if I had to, I could cut back. He is more concerned about retirement, nice vacations, paying for our kid's college. I guess I am on board with those needs for money, too. But, after all, we are dealing with all those things now, even on my more limited salary, and so I feel less urgency to give more of myself over to earning wages. Not because I am lazy, but because I want to be a good mom.

This leads to my big quandary to be faced when it comes time to ramp up. How can I hold a job that brings in the money I "deserve" (so to speak) that utilizes my skills, but that is not so demanding that I cannot make my kid my priority? I don't want her to go to afterschool programs (if she doesn't want to, and certainly not in kindergarten). I don't want her to have to go to day camp all day in the summer (if she doesn't want to...maybe she will want to?). But, I do want to work for money.

The Radical Homemakers ethos appeals to me. Cut back. Be frugal. Grown your own veggies. Put them up. Live on less. Don't be a slave to the extractive economy. However, I do enjoy graphic design and communications quite a bit and it is a good wage-earning career. And I'm crunchy and non-materialistic, but I don't know how ready I am to go that far off the grid. My husband is a good barometer of sensibility and I don't know how on board he'd be with that, either. Balance, is important to me, too. I guess the very word "radical" moves away from the idea of "balance" on one hand, but on the other, maybe the way the world is is so off balance that we need something radical to put it back in balance. Anyway, I'll do my part, but I still am going to have to work.

One idea I have is to continue to work as an independent consultant–a freelancer. I worry about what would happen if I lost by biggest client. I guess I would get more clients. I wonder if I could get enough to make enough. It's nice that I have the safety net of my husband's steady job, that's true. But, I want to be solid, as well. It's possible to do this on my own, as a consultant. Or, maybe, by then, there will be a turning in the culture of work and it will be possible to get a job that's, say, 30 hours a week or something. I just don't want to be like the so many middle class people I hear about who are scrambling around juggling hectic schedules and having their kids fall through the cracks.

My concern about this of late even got me to considering, for like a day, getting a Master's in Education and becoming a teacher. I figured the hours would be great for a mom. Most of the information I got from those in the field who I polled said otherwise. My brother said, "If, as you admitted, your interest in becoming a professional early childhood, elementary, or secondary educator is to improve or seek a 'work-life balance' that appeals to someone wanting more flexibility in their family life, your motives are at great risk of resulting in disappointment. While the "value to society" motive is a driving force, it sometimes—make that often times—has become a divisive element in my home. I do not have any free time."

My husband, who was a teacher in his past life said, "You say it would be good as a mother, but I completely disagree. It's a profession that goes way beyond the hours of 9-5, and dealing with kids all day may zap you of the energy and enthusiasm you need to share with you onw in the evening. When I was teaching, I always said I didn't think I could deal with kids all day, then have to go home and deal with my own...that I'd either have to quit teaching, or never have kids. But that's me...Sorry for throwing in my two cents, but it's a topic that I have very strong feelings about...not that I'm trying to control you, but rather from my very own experiences in teaching that made me a very, very unhappy person for quite some time."

A friend said, "The idea of being a positive influence in kids lives is pretty uplifting...but in actuality, i'm with your husband. I personally don't like it. I also think it depends on what you want to teach. I think that elementary vs. high school is something to consider. I was an elementary (young-2/3rd grades) and it's very draining. He's right, you don't have much free time, and even when you're not in school working, you feel like you should be. I imagine High School is very different in the day to day teaching, but the same outside of school...always feeling like you should be grading papers, lesson planning, etc. It can also be very frustrating, as there are many demands put on you outside of your actual 'job' of teaching...paper work and such."

Another said, "I'm still struggling to find that work-life balance. I haven't been too successful as of yet, but I am still a relatively new teacher, so I'm hoping this year will calm down a little more for me. I work 12 or more hour days most days. For me, the balance has come in the summer and in the plentiful vacation time that I get. Yes, I am off by 3:00 every day, but there are papers, lesson plans, paperwork, bulletin boards, tests, phone calls, etc etc to do. You are never done. There are some teachers who manage to walk out the door at 3:02, but honestly, they are not the type of teacher you would probably want to be. The first two years are hell."

OK. So. Not gonna do it.