Well, I've been off and on with this blog about since the time I had my daughter and my opinions and ideas about things have kind of ebbed and flowed in different directions over this time. When I first started I was unaware of all the mommy blogging going on out there because, of course, I didn't follow such things before having a kid. How boring!
Over the past couple of years, I've learned all about mommy culture, mommy wars, mommy this, mommy that, and tried to put my voice out into the ether on this blog and various comment sections of other (far more widely read) blogs in some meaningful way. But, I have pretty much come to the conclusion now that I am bored and/or frustrated with the exercise. I have come across few posters or bloggers who share my ideas/values/style and I go from feeling disdain to pity to indifference to most of them.
I don't care to complain about my child or my husband, because when I sit back and think about my life, it is pretty damn good and I don't care that I have to do a little more housework than my husband or that I work harder in general. That's who I am an I am happy that way. I mean, there is actually a blog out there called "Angry Mamas". Now, I may have expressed passing irritation from time to time in my posts, but I would never want to characterize myself as, in general, angry. My child is healthy, I am well-fed, I have a roof over my head. I vacation—in Europe. I am middle class (not rich). What the hell have I got to be angry about? I suspect that many of these "angry mamas" are probably also doing pretty well for themselves. Those that aren't, who are struggling to make ends meet, have sick kids or jerky husbands, etc. I feel for them. Seriously. This is why I am cutting the blogging about working vs. staying at home and all the other "who's better" kind of stuff (breastfeeding vs formula, etc.).
I am speed-reading Ayelet Waldman's Bad Mother (because it is so good, she is such a good writer and so easy to ready) where she shares her experiences, springboarding off the notion that women are so judged (by other women) and feel so much pressure to be perfect (from society?) that it's just too much and we need to let go of all that. I try to search myself and honestly, I would say that I don't really feel this pressure. I tend to insulate myself a bit and I always sort of do things my own way. I think because I am staying home with my kid and breastfeeding and co-sleep, etc. that I banked alot of personal good will that makes me feel like I am such a good mother. But, if Waldman's memoir is the barometer, then I am a "Bad Mother" too. And she never even mentioned hitting her kids. (I have, I regret it and vow to not do it again. It's wrong.) I bet alot of moms who put their kids in daycare never hit them. So now, who's the better mom?
We all have our shortcomings and our failures and I have many. I guess I just don't think of mothers as good or bad unless they are seriously really bad. Most of us are just trying to get by and my best is different from your best or someone else's best. And our bests differ on different days. So...if this blog is to continue, I think I will shift the focus of the posts to other things. I don't want to be one of the judgers for those women who are a little weaker and feel judged or insecure. (Not that I have hordes of readers, anyway.)
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2 comments:
Just came across your blog and thought it was funny that after being a mother and blogger for approximately the same amount of time as you I wrote a very similar post (http://anotherlamomblog.blogspot.com/2009/06/feeling-lazy.html). I wonder if mothers have always felt so judged (and judgmental)or if this is a side effect of the outpouring of self-confession on blogs, memoirs, etc. Enjoying your blog, keep it up!
Thanks for reading, LA Mom!
One of my real-world friends read this post and asked which blogs I read that have left me so exhausted and I immediately wanted to do a Sarah Palin and say "all of them!" But, when I thought about it, I guess I don't really read the mommy bloggers like Dooce, Rebecca Woolf, the chick whose giving up drinking, etc. THAT regularly. I check in from time to time. The ones I *do* read regularly are the NY Times Motherlode blog, the Babble.com Strollerderby blog and articles, and Judith Warner's (mostly) weekly blog on the NYT. I read, and am frequently annoyed by, the non-mommy DoubleX website, regularly, too. I think it was Warner's latest one that set me in this direction for this post. She generally grates on me, so...there you have it.
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