Last month we took a long trip to France by way of Belgium, my husband, my one-year old, and I. Oddly enough, I have so many happy memories from the trip, but during our 17 days of travel, there were many times I wanted to yell or wanted to cry—and did.
Our friends and family thought we were crazy for even trying, although some expressed admiration. The fact is, it is a challenge to travel to a foreign country with a baby or toddler, even if it is a Western European, industrialized country with most of the comforts of home readily available. You still are in unfamiliar territory, the rooms aren't childproof, you don't get the breaks you might get at home when the child can just kind of safely play on their own for a bit. You want to make the most of the trip, go on outings, see some sites, but the baby wants to be a baby and do the stuff she usually does. You worry about the baby, but the baby is fine. In fact, in my case, it was really me who had the most melt downs.
The biggest thing I want to remember for next time, which applies to travel in general, not just travel with children, is to let go. My character flaw of "control freak" is a bad mix with travel. You will get lost in a 800-year-old cities with Rick Steves' sketched out maps. There will be long lines. If you don't know the language, you will face some awkward moments and have to make an effort to communicate sometimes when you don't want to. Even though I have come to this conclusion before after trips, I never seem to remember to live by the rule of "letting go" when I go on the next trip. I just can't emphasize this enough.
It would have been so much better if I had been able to embrace my lack of control over the outside world and better control my own emotions. It would even have given me a window on my child's world, perhaps. When you travel to a foreign country, everything is new and different, you are out of your element, and you can't control any of it. Welcome to the world of your baby! How cool is that? If only I would have realized it at the time—that I could get a better understanding of what my daughter might be going through at this time of her life by embracing the challenges of travel instead of just getting frustrated!
A really positive thing the trip brought to light was how there are alot of things we are doing right as parents. Three major tenets of attachment parenting—breastfeeding, baby-wearing and co-sleeping—proved to be very convenient and helpful practices while traveling.
I can't imagine how one would make a trip like this without breastfeeding a child this age. It provided food for her whenever she was hungry. Sometimes, when you're on the go, its not easy to get food suitable for a one-year-old on demand. But, she is always happy to get the breast. In addition to providing nutrients, it provided comfort for her on the go as well. As our little family made our way through bustling streets of Brussels and Paris, and the promenades of Cannes, Nice, Antibes, Avignon, Arles and Nimes—with new sights and sounds whirling all around us—the baby could nuzzle in close for a little milk when it all became too much.
Carrying my baby in the Ergo carrier was a better choice for me than using a stroller—even with my little one weighing in at 26 lbs. I must admit, I did enjoy the couple times we used the stroller, but I found it to be more of a hassle than a help as we negotiated our way via trains, narrow crowded sidewalks and bumble cobble-stone streets. She was raised more as a carried baby than a stroller baby, also, so she preferred the carrier most of the time. It was nice because when you are on the move, especially in busy cities like Paris, there are lots of people on the street, it can be crowded in some places and hard to maneuver the stroller. Also, being low to the ground while bodies shuffle by all around is probably more disconcerting to a baby than being held close to their mama up at chest level. Here, they are more a part of it all, a part of your world, and can feel so much more secure. She was even able to nap on the go in the carrier. We went about our business throughout the day and she fell asleep when she was tired, comfortable in her Ergo close to mama.
That being said, it was a little tiring walking for four or more hours a day carrying 26 lbs. You really need to be in shape to go on a trip like this with a baby or toddler. In addition to carrying her, I had to be ready to chase her! I think my commitment to working out paid off by providing me with helpful strength and stamina. I don't regret the choice I often made, when faced with a time crunch, to work out instead of do my French lesson. The workouts were more helpful!
Finally, co-sleeping, even in the transitional way we currently do it, makes sleeping arrangements easier to handle when you're traveling. If you're already used to sleeping with your baby, it won't come as that much of an inconvenience when you're forced to do it on vacation. Some hotels offer cribs, many smaller or budget ones don't. And, many babies are not likely to easily fall asleep in an unfamiliar crib in an unfamiliar room. How much cozier is it to curl up with mom and dad in their bed and feel safe and secure by their side?
Did we give up sex, with the co-sleeping? No way! Of course, if we were traveling just as a couple, it would have been easier to get romantic and no doubt we would have been more active in this arena. But, as with home life, a little creativity and timing allowed us to enjoy some breaks for sex. When a child is this young, they can sleep in one corner of the bed while mom and dad do their thing in another corner or on the floor. You get the idea.
OK, on to things we can get real clear about. Here are my overall tips for traveling with a toddler:
1. Take overnight flights, if possible—My child slept most of the plane ride over. We are lucky. She is a good sleeper who can sleep wherever as long as she's tired and mama is close.
2. Have new toys on hand for the plane and train rides—We got about $30 worth of new stuff for her that was compact enough to fit in a back pack with other carry on items. I also brought some stickers and cool stuff that I probably wouldn't let her play with unsupervised on her own (magnadoodle, stickers with beads that could be a choke hazard) but on my lap on the plane they were fine and oh so cool to her.
3. Breastfeed! But pack snacks—It is so awesome and easy to be able to just whip out your boob and make your kid happy. Bananas and crackers and stuff help, too, but nothing beats the boob in a pinch.
4. Carry your baby—A stroller can come in handy, sure, but I found our Ergo carrier to be indispensible. If I had to choose between stroller or carrier, I'd choose the carrier.
5. Co-sleep—You don't need to worry if the hotel has a crib, the baby will sleep more easily in an unfamiliar place with mom and dad close by. This one is more optional, I guess, for the sleep-trainers out there and those who are really cranky about getting lots of uninterrupted sleep, but for me, it was really good and made me glad we are transitional, semi-co-sleepers.
6. Dine at outdoor cafes or have picnics when you can—Mom and Dad can take turns rambling around with the baby so they don't get too cooped up in the highchair (which aren't always available) or on your lap—especially active walkers. European meals tend to take a long time, so it's nice to be able to let the baby take a stroll and blow off some steam so they don't fuss and go crazy at the restaurant.
7. Take your baby to playgrounds and parks—It's a family vacation. They're part of the family. Do stuff they like!
Our friends and family thought we were crazy for even trying, although some expressed admiration. The fact is, it is a challenge to travel to a foreign country with a baby or toddler, even if it is a Western European, industrialized country with most of the comforts of home readily available. You still are in unfamiliar territory, the rooms aren't childproof, you don't get the breaks you might get at home when the child can just kind of safely play on their own for a bit. You want to make the most of the trip, go on outings, see some sites, but the baby wants to be a baby and do the stuff she usually does. You worry about the baby, but the baby is fine. In fact, in my case, it was really me who had the most melt downs.
The biggest thing I want to remember for next time, which applies to travel in general, not just travel with children, is to let go. My character flaw of "control freak" is a bad mix with travel. You will get lost in a 800-year-old cities with Rick Steves' sketched out maps. There will be long lines. If you don't know the language, you will face some awkward moments and have to make an effort to communicate sometimes when you don't want to. Even though I have come to this conclusion before after trips, I never seem to remember to live by the rule of "letting go" when I go on the next trip. I just can't emphasize this enough.
It would have been so much better if I had been able to embrace my lack of control over the outside world and better control my own emotions. It would even have given me a window on my child's world, perhaps. When you travel to a foreign country, everything is new and different, you are out of your element, and you can't control any of it. Welcome to the world of your baby! How cool is that? If only I would have realized it at the time—that I could get a better understanding of what my daughter might be going through at this time of her life by embracing the challenges of travel instead of just getting frustrated!
A really positive thing the trip brought to light was how there are alot of things we are doing right as parents. Three major tenets of attachment parenting—breastfeeding, baby-wearing and co-sleeping—proved to be very convenient and helpful practices while traveling.
I can't imagine how one would make a trip like this without breastfeeding a child this age. It provided food for her whenever she was hungry. Sometimes, when you're on the go, its not easy to get food suitable for a one-year-old on demand. But, she is always happy to get the breast. In addition to providing nutrients, it provided comfort for her on the go as well. As our little family made our way through bustling streets of Brussels and Paris, and the promenades of Cannes, Nice, Antibes, Avignon, Arles and Nimes—with new sights and sounds whirling all around us—the baby could nuzzle in close for a little milk when it all became too much.
Carrying my baby in the Ergo carrier was a better choice for me than using a stroller—even with my little one weighing in at 26 lbs. I must admit, I did enjoy the couple times we used the stroller, but I found it to be more of a hassle than a help as we negotiated our way via trains, narrow crowded sidewalks and bumble cobble-stone streets. She was raised more as a carried baby than a stroller baby, also, so she preferred the carrier most of the time. It was nice because when you are on the move, especially in busy cities like Paris, there are lots of people on the street, it can be crowded in some places and hard to maneuver the stroller. Also, being low to the ground while bodies shuffle by all around is probably more disconcerting to a baby than being held close to their mama up at chest level. Here, they are more a part of it all, a part of your world, and can feel so much more secure. She was even able to nap on the go in the carrier. We went about our business throughout the day and she fell asleep when she was tired, comfortable in her Ergo close to mama.That being said, it was a little tiring walking for four or more hours a day carrying 26 lbs. You really need to be in shape to go on a trip like this with a baby or toddler. In addition to carrying her, I had to be ready to chase her! I think my commitment to working out paid off by providing me with helpful strength and stamina. I don't regret the choice I often made, when faced with a time crunch, to work out instead of do my French lesson. The workouts were more helpful!
Finally, co-sleeping, even in the transitional way we currently do it, makes sleeping arrangements easier to handle when you're traveling. If you're already used to sleeping with your baby, it won't come as that much of an inconvenience when you're forced to do it on vacation. Some hotels offer cribs, many smaller or budget ones don't. And, many babies are not likely to easily fall asleep in an unfamiliar crib in an unfamiliar room. How much cozier is it to curl up with mom and dad in their bed and feel safe and secure by their side?
Did we give up sex, with the co-sleeping? No way! Of course, if we were traveling just as a couple, it would have been easier to get romantic and no doubt we would have been more active in this arena. But, as with home life, a little creativity and timing allowed us to enjoy some breaks for sex. When a child is this young, they can sleep in one corner of the bed while mom and dad do their thing in another corner or on the floor. You get the idea.
OK, on to things we can get real clear about. Here are my overall tips for traveling with a toddler:
1. Take overnight flights, if possible—My child slept most of the plane ride over. We are lucky. She is a good sleeper who can sleep wherever as long as she's tired and mama is close.
2. Have new toys on hand for the plane and train rides—We got about $30 worth of new stuff for her that was compact enough to fit in a back pack with other carry on items. I also brought some stickers and cool stuff that I probably wouldn't let her play with unsupervised on her own (magnadoodle, stickers with beads that could be a choke hazard) but on my lap on the plane they were fine and oh so cool to her.
3. Breastfeed! But pack snacks—It is so awesome and easy to be able to just whip out your boob and make your kid happy. Bananas and crackers and stuff help, too, but nothing beats the boob in a pinch.
4. Carry your baby—A stroller can come in handy, sure, but I found our Ergo carrier to be indispensible. If I had to choose between stroller or carrier, I'd choose the carrier.
5. Co-sleep—You don't need to worry if the hotel has a crib, the baby will sleep more easily in an unfamiliar place with mom and dad close by. This one is more optional, I guess, for the sleep-trainers out there and those who are really cranky about getting lots of uninterrupted sleep, but for me, it was really good and made me glad we are transitional, semi-co-sleepers.
6. Dine at outdoor cafes or have picnics when you can—Mom and Dad can take turns rambling around with the baby so they don't get too cooped up in the highchair (which aren't always available) or on your lap—especially active walkers. European meals tend to take a long time, so it's nice to be able to let the baby take a stroll and blow off some steam so they don't fuss and go crazy at the restaurant.
7. Take your baby to playgrounds and parks—It's a family vacation. They're part of the family. Do stuff they like!
And of course, the unquantifiable—let go! Don't be upset if things don't go as planned. Be flexible. Embrace chance. Try to take it as an opportunity to see the world through a different perspective. And have fun. As hard as it may be traveling with a young toddler, the memories will so precious.
Coming soon: Notes from Seattle--Taking a One-Year-Old to a Music Festival
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