My next life is here today

“A woman’s life can really be a succession of lives, each revolving around some emotionally compelling situation or challenge, and each marked off by some intense experience.”

I got a card the other day from my mom printed with that quotation from Wallis Simpson, the American wife of Prince Edward, Duke of Windsor in the 30s. Read about her. She oughta know about change.

Anyway, inside, it said, “thinking of you with love during this challenging time.” And she added, “knowing that challenges help us discover what we are capable of accomplishing.”

I think she sent it to me in response to my venting to her about my feelings over leaving work to take care of my baby, as well as taking care of the baby in and of itself. But, actually, we did discuss how it’s not that hard to take care of a baby, just hard to do other things we’re expected to do in addition to taking care of a baby. Even “housewives” have housework to do, cooking, cleaning, etc. And those of us who are trying to do other kinds of work as well—writing, design, and personal upkeep things like reading and working out—can find it even more challenging. Still, it’s not that bad. I feel really grateful for my life.

I just think somewhere along the line something went awry in society in terms of how motherhood and raising kids is viewed. The mere fact that there was a decision at all to be made about staying home with the baby or going back to work is both great (for those women who want to work outside the home) and a little disturbing (because, for me, I believe that it's best for babies to have the individualized attention from their own parent, when parents have the financial wherewithal to do so). When did it become throw-away work, of those “less skilled” than we college-grad “professionals” to raise children? Why is it not the most important job? To me, right now, it is. I wish we lived in a society where everyone who desires could comfortably live a decent life on one adult income. I am just very grateful that we set the stage so that we can, for at least a limited time.

But, back to the “challenges helping us discover what we are capable of accomplishing” and all that about my “succession of lives.”

I told my office today officially that I would not be returning after maternity leave. For me, that’s a big change. I've worked there for nearly eight years. I am used to working outside the home. I even enjoy it, as a concept, even though I’ve been known to grouse about petty details. But, as I told my boss and our president in my resignation letter, “this truly is a time in my daughter’s life that I must focus on her care and development in such a way that working outside the home would not allow.”

I am going to pursue freelance work as a designer and writer, so I’m hoping over time to build on that from home, as I am able, and usher in the next in my succession of lives. What could be more “emotionally compelling” or more of an “intense experience” than giving birth? I’m hoping that this leap I’m making can truly spring forth with the same creativity and vitality that was inherent in my natural birth of my beautiful daughter and that she can continue to be an inspiration to me in the years to come.

I am truly grateful for her, for my husband and for my life and the next one and the next one...